Friday

I just got home. My first week as a lawyer at a big New York firm. I have so many thoughts and feelings about it. But I only have two arms, and that's not even enough to pet the three animals sitting on me right now, much less to blog.

I am so blessed. I danced all the way home on the train.

New moon, new job, new toothbrush.

So I started my new job today.  It's good.  But I don't want to talk about that.  I want to talk about my new bangin' Oral B toothbrush.  These pearly whites have never been cleaner.  It hugs my back teeth!  Sorry, Preserve.  I know this toothbrush will never become part of a playground, but my teeth are so happy that I don't care.

"No matter how far we go into infinity, the line will not actually reach y=0, but will always get closer and closer."

An asymptote is a line or curve that approaches a given line or curve arbitrarily closely, but never intersects.

From http://mathworld.wolfram.com.

I am so fortunate.

Casey just left after a lovely ten days together.  My body, mind, and heart have been going one million miles per hour.  I start my new job tomorrow.  Totally stoked.  Still not unpacked and way behind on both correspondence and administrative tasks, but I wouldn't trade a second of the last few months for more Internet time or a more presentable apartment.  Actually, I might trade most of yesterday's interminable wedding for a more presentable apartment, but I ain't really tryna hate right now when I feel so full of love.  The wedding was an opportunity to work on my dance moves and meet this sad, wet panda on an empty Manhattan street.



Today I ate three persimmons, which I bought for a total of $1, and I stepped in the biggest pile of green dog poop at the dog park.  The poop is still on my shoe, which is in a plastic bag.  Seriously, guys, I love my life.

You are always on the verge of something.

You've got to get moving. You've got to keep pace. Even if you crash and burn, at least you were flying. At least you got off the ground.

No time for down time

Today I had a vision of my future.

This is how it should always be.

We all went to Coney Island yesterday. 

Photo by Justin.

Countdown

Things are going to be changing around here.  It's time.  Get excited.

Oh, hello

I am on my computer for the first time in several days.  I thought it would be a good idea to pay some bills and catch up on correspondence, but eff it, I'm about to close this and go to the dog park.  Betelgeuse is learning to play frisbee.

The bee dance

Yesterday was a long day.  Twenty-four hours long.  Hang outs, involving errands, dinner, and coffee things, followed by a late-night-becomes-early-morning bike ride 'round Brooklyn.  Betelgeuse took her first spin in the bike basket, which made my heart soar.  She has short legs, so her walking potential is somewhat limited.  Her comfort on a bicycle opens up a world of possibilities for adventure.  I mean, you think things are good, and then they just get better.  These plains are flooded.

But I do want to remember the bike ride in more specificity.  Pumping a Pandora radio station from my coat pocket until my hip hop phone died; a pineapple popsicle; McDonald's Breakfast; the coming of the rain; a flatter-than-flat tire in Bushwick; riding the J and L trains with bicycles and morning commuters; and then finally sleep -- a full twenty-four hours after I had awoken the day before.  It doesn't even make any sense.

Tonight was my drum lesson.  I rode my bike over in the rain and learned to play a rock beat on a bloody drum set.  My drum instructor is in this band.  I downloaded a metronome application on my smart phone.

Just try and stop me.

My pants are wet dogs.

It's a shame you haven't known me my whole life because I have been slaying it since birth.

Waiting for some words to jump at me

This song is on my YEAH OKAY playlist, which has been on repeat for over a week now.  I would share the playlist with you, but you might not get the joke.  Anyway, an Internet friend posted the video on her Flickr, and I wanted to share it here, too, because only some of you are her Flickr friends.



There's a lot of running and kissing in the beginning, and then a lot of reflections on running and kissing in the end.  Plus beards and suits, so you know I'm jamming.

Mind control

Today is my half birthday.  Feeling sort of restless and nostalgic.  Thinking about taking Betelgeuse to a bar to meet girls.  Probably should give her a bath first.

I feel in sync with my brother today.  He doesn't know it yet, but we both had some feelings and took pictures of apples.  I just haven't uploaded mine yet.

Is it narcissistic to sometimes think that there is no one else in the world like me?  Probably.  It's sort of lonely to think that, too.

ISO hamburger w. legs in black boots w. block heels

Who could've guessed that the first time I would dance with K after at least a five-year hiatus would be at Wild Creek Bar & Grill in Kunkletown, Pennsylvania, to a live band covering Lit, Billy Idol, and Sublime?

There are good jokes, like playing Photo Hunt with your mom, and then there are really good jokes, like playing Erotic Photo Hunt with your mom.

Am I too much of a shark?

Constantly move or die.

Animal harmony

Lola to my left; Kitty on my lap; Betelgeuse to my right, using Kitty's tail as a pillow.

All of my pets need to get jobs and start pulling their own weight, or lack thereof.

I feel discouraged.

Kitty, my dearest and sweetest 11-year-old cat, has hyperthyrodism.  This explains why she now weighs a mere 8 lbs.  So I either have to give her a pill twice a day forever, along with frequent vet visits for blood work, or I have to subject her to surgery or radioiodine treatment.  The vet recommends radioiodine treatment, but it will mean kitty hospitalization for 1-2 weeks, where I can only look at her through leaded glass, and then a week of radioactive poop in my home.  Her follow-up appointment is in 3 weeks -- November 12 -- so I'll see how she's doing on the meds and discuss whether I'd like to pursue alternative treatments.  Poor skinny Kitty.

Lola, meanwhile, is 6 years old and about one billion pounds overweight.  She weighs 17 lbs.  That is more than Kitty and Betelgeuse put together.  And she's been on a diet for a month, so who even knows how much she weighed before.  I get her blood work results tomorrow, which will reveal whether she's diabetic or has her own thyroid or perhaps liver condition.  I pray it's normal and that she's just fat.  In the meantime, I had to schedule her for dental surgery.  She needs to have two rotten little teeth extracted because the poor baby has periodontal disease and gingivitis-stomatitus, which are apparently both quite painful conditions.  I'm supposed to start brushing her teeth.  Yeah right.  You try to put your fingers in there.

For their various health problems, I have been instructed to feed them only wet food twice a day, along with two kinds of probiotics, along with the meds.  So much for the cats being my independent animals.

Betelgeuse, now 7 months old, is just fine.  She has completely recovered from her bout with Giardia and the ear infection, and her spay incision is pretty much healed.  We just made eye contact.  I telepathically sent her, "Stay healthy forever; never die."

Not sure she got it.  She's not very bright.  That's what makes it unrealistic to expect any of my animals to get jobs to support themselves; they're not that smart.  Man, it feels inappropriate to joke about the financial burden of the animals -- especially when the thought of any one of them being sick or, God forbid, dying, leaves me in quiet and then loud tears.

Quite a predicament.  But despite the inevitable pain of opening your heart to creatures or people or creature-people, oh how I love to love.  I will now kiss each of them on the head and try to pull myself together.

(Law Review Writing Competition, Chicago, IL, May 8, 2006)











(Chilling in Brooklyn, New York, October 17, 2009)

Be your own best friend.

Gentler, but don't stop.

So the mysterious bruises on my body have given way to mysterious cuts and bruises. I have no ideas as to the cause(s) of my injuries. I would say the violence occurs in my sleep, but I haven't been sleeping. Your guess is as good as mine.

Looking down at my one-month-old boots already sporting holes, I wonder yet again (and again and again and again and again) why I must do everything so damn hard?  Total destruction is imminent.

Jam on the multitask!

I'm sitting in the laundromat waiting for my sheets to dry. I'm also watching baseball, reading Dune, drinking a baby cup of coffee, and eating the other half of my Kinder Bueno. I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be. It's this great feeling I have a lot these days.

Humans

I have reduced my life to its simplest elements, but drama has a way of following me around.

I might be destined for a career in politics after all.

Gnosis

I'm really feeling this horoscope. Explosions. Good job, Tauruses!

Right now you're like a sulking cherry tree that hasn't bloomed for years but then inexplicably erupts with pink flowers in mid-autumn. You're like a child prodigy who lost her mojo for a while and then suddenly recovers it when her old mentor comes back into her life after a long absence. You're like a dormant volcano that without any warning spurts out a round of seemingly prophetic smoke signals on the eve of a great victory for the whole world.

You can read yours, too, buddies.

Rainy autumn

Set up the TV just in time for today -- high of 46 degrees and rain showers all day. This appears to be the forecast for the next several days. When I've gotten my fill of TV (never!), it might be time to cash in the free P.S.1 admission W's friend gave me a while back and also finally visit the American Museum of Natural History, which I've been thinking about doing since I moved here.

My first drum lesson is tomorrow.

The future, my cruelest and least accountable associate.

I know I can't depend on you, and I hate to even think of you, but damn are you looking fine in this light.

How I'm Trying to Spend the Days

Friends, pups, rainbows, changing leaves, and technicolor grass.

More on why New York is a strange place to live:

My car got broad-sided by a hot dog cart.

Cold thumbs, QWERTY keyboard

I am sitting on a bench in McCarren Park with a cranberry sweet plum muffin and two hot coffees, on account of an aborted hang-while-babies-nap date with C. I cannot bear to throw away a hot coffee or to drink two cups, even baby cups. So I'm going to sit here until it gets cold or until someone walks by who takes their coffee like my soy-milk-and-sugar gf.

Last night I met up with EW at Black Rabbit Bar for BINGO. I missed the BINGO, but it was a good night. Real talk with EW and her friends -- strangers, essentially, which was repeatedly emphasized -- about five-year and ten-year plans. I have neither. Holy crap.

At one point in the evening, a person said to me, "I just met you, but I can tell that you're a bad ass." Yes. After twenty-seven years, I'm finally giving off a bad ass vibe. I resisted the urge to respond, "Your nose resembles a ski jump." Instead, I nodded enthusiastically, and said, "Thanks, man, I've been working at it."

I walked home listening to new favorite jams on my headphones, stomping a little bit -- you know, like a bad ass.

New York is a strange place to live.

Doing something winning in front of people

Just okay at right-handed Frisbee, yet pretty awesome at left-handed Frisbee. It's uncanny, really. I wonder what else my right brain is secretly waiting to destroy.

issing letters

I want to tell yo how ch I love btter, bt y keyboard fails e. Getting this shit fixed on Snday.

J-U-M-P

The letters J, U, M, and P on my MacBook Pro do not work. I think my ghost is telling me to go for it.

Or maybe to really really not go for it.

Cosmic tides

I have been feeling so inspired lately. I love being a participator.

I sat in a chilly park with a cone-headed dog and wrote something that was not an email or blog post. I blew the laundromat employee's mind by paying in fifteen ones when she had just run out of singles -- "You are good." The barista at Lucky Shot made me blush when he put my cup on the counter and drew a milk heart in my latte. I'm going to buy a new dress because my dearest friend is getting married tomorrow.

Sometimes you get lost in the woods and then find yourself in a cemetery in Doodletown.

It's a true story.

Some Internet things

(1) I just did a super giant Flickr photo dump. I had not uploaded anything since May. Enjoy the nonsense.
(2) I made my Twitter account public again (for the time being) and am posting my Tweet feed in the sidebar of this blog. Again, enjoy the nonsense.

You hit

Betelgeuse was spayed today. I was and continue to be a nervous wreck. She's such a woozy little disaster. She can barely walk; she just picks a place to stand and wobble. I just gave her a pain pill, which I hope will knock her out so that she's stop looking at me with those sad human child eyes. Poor baby. For the next ten days, no running, no dog park, no puddle hopping, no bathing. I assume I will finally unpack my apartment.

Apparently right before she was anesthetized, she vomited up a whole, intact acorn.

I cannot explain the acorn.

But it's a nice couch

Yesterday:

• Studio and Prospect Park photo shoot (= roof romp, crunchy ice cream sandwich, achieving heckler status, tired puppy, lovely outcomes)
• Fette Sau BBQ (= Risk board of meat)
• Photo Hunt and pizza at Alligator Lounge (= a life of excess)
• "A little less beats please."

Animal harmony

The balance has returned. Lola slept in a halo over my head last night for the first time in months.

Sixteen years later

I'm not a vegetarian anymore. Now I'm just a super hero who you can invite over for dinner.

The secret of the great paradox

"The bear must deal with 20 obstacles, and each one of them involves pears," says the Sufi proverb, "because the bear adores pears."

In your mouth

I just ate soft-boiled eggs on toast with wilted spinach, tomato, and avocado. So delicious. Before that, I had only consumed coffee and gummi vitamins today. So busted.

Am I wry?

I became a card-carrying member of the Bushwick Country Club last night on account of my true love for Photo Hunt. This basically means that I can drink for free on my birthday if I find eleven friends. Unfortunately for the Bushwick Country Club, their miniature golf course is in a state of disrepair and their Photo Hunt touch screen is miscalibrated. I do believe that we would have crept on BRANDONPECK's high score if the game were not cheating. BRANDONPECK probably recalibrated the MegaTouch Maxx after reaching first place. It may also have been BUTTHOLE, but I don't really see going through the trouble if you're only in fourth.

Little kid

I can't tell where the bruises end and the dirt begins.

Arnica and pineapples for the bruises, apparently, and baths for the dirt.

Oh, you've got grey eyes.

Mercury went direct again tonight after three weeks of retrograde. Time to write my novel.

Grocery shopping

I say I care about the environment, but I also feel entitled to fresh berries and bananas all year round.

Move, Get Out the Way

A person once very close to me said that my major fault was that I was "too nice." At the time I was offended, understandably I think. I claimed that I would move to Too Nice Island where each one treated every one too nicely -- we might also call it Golden Rule Island.  But I now see how this characteristic is both an impediment to growth in relationships and just plain annoying.

Honesty is the best policy?

Real World, Season Whatever.

En route to New York

Ladies, please

Whatchu know 'bout cute?

Happy times

Chilling in North Carolina. This is the best. C's nieces are so fun and dreamy. Betelgeuse has found a perfect playmate in Wilson. And I have found a person who (a) is as cuddly and touchy-feely as me, and (b) sweats as much as me. For purposes of this blog, we'll call her R.

Here is a picture of Betelgeuse sleeping on R, who is sleeping on me. Thx, hip hop phone, for capturing this moment.So far, Fame, baked ziti, Buffy, suburban dog walks, Golden Corral, playing in the backyard, watching J feed the fish in the pond, etc. I feel pretty lucky to have such a good friend who has such a good family.

Gay

Hello from North Carolina.

I was in Virginia Beach the night before last. Man, my parents are the cutest humans. My dad is reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami, on W‘s recommendation. If you are looking for a book to read, you should read that one. It does not need to jump to the top of the queue, but you should read it.

W gave him A Wild Sheep Chase to read next, but my dad let me scoop it when I promised to send it back to him when I was done. That should encourage me to actually sit and read it -- already read 40 pages, fighting car sickness. It’s true, I have been trying to read Infinite Jest forever. The last book I read was Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, which C gave me for Christmas.

I have a hard time reading for pleasure these days and, well, for the last four years. I blamed law school, law review, and my clerkship; reading so much for school and work made the written word less appealing in my free time. But I have not worked in over a month, so I should be reading books because duh! I <3 reading books. I acknowledged recently that movies in general do not blow my mind but books, yes, blow my mind.

I should also be listening to audio books, which allow me to combine two of my favorite activities, walking and reading. I was jamming on them for awhile until the author-narrator of Freakonomics annoyed me -- though I know it was really the content of the book that annoyed me. Correlation is not causation. That’s the subject of another blog post. This one does not have a subject. If it did, it would be “books,” and that’s gay.

So on another subject, I also went to IHOP with my parents. We talked about Catholicism and mental illness, mostly independently though also acknowledging the relationship between them. When we got home, my mom and I took the pup on a walk. I fell asleep on the couch while my mom rubbed my feet and we watched some weird Bible-story movie that she checked out from the library. My dad played on the computer. Betelgeuse slept on the floor. Nights like that make it hard for me to imagine ever leaving the east coast, despite the appeal of the Pacific Northwest. I feel like I should be near them to care for them, but it’s good to remember the ways in which they care for me.

Maybe the subject of this post should just be “gay.” Doing it.

Live via hip hop phone

Today I'm doing a lot of sleeping in the car.

Today just keeps getting better, into tomorrow

Oh you know. 2 much coffee with the gf at Café Grumpy. Shopping and dining in the city with C and K (+ a new fall jacket, srzly bangin' new blue jeans, and a belly fully of ahi tuna). Quality time with the flat puppy. French onion dip on Stockholm. Generally good feelings about time -- specifically, the way and with whom I am spending it.

Oh, and funny: Met a dog with a purple mohawk. His owner tried to buy me a drink (see above re: srzly bangin' new blue jeans). I refused because he was using his dog to meet chicks, and, well, so am I.

Tomorrow: Prospect Park with Betelgeuse and Lord Icky. And then: North Carolina with C, Z, and the pup. Too excited for my own good.

Smiles happen

It's cool to be healthy.

Also, on-ramp* to nowhere.

*Compound nouns to remember will appear in bold -- e.g., power source, dirtball.